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Alan Osborne: The Man Who Couldn't Keep His Pants Dry


Oh, Alan, Alan, Alan.


Just when I was about to give you a rare compliment, you go and do it again – you piss your pants when the heat is on.


Bravo, my friend, bravo.


Now, I must admit, the thought of Trey hiring Chaz as his assistant isn't half bad.


But alas, that's just wishful thinking on your part.


Do you honestly believe anyone would trade the joy of harassing you and Suzanne for a mundane job with the county?


Not a chance, my dear Alan.


While you and Suzanne are busy trying to track me down, I'm lounging in Jamaica, sipping cocktails and lobbing grenades at you two Clowns.


And all the while, I'm making a fortune off mocking you idiots on a daily basis.


Ah, the sweet taste of payback.


So thank you, Alan, for the laugh.


But let's face it – your legacy will never compare to mine.


When the history books are written, John Walton will be remembered.


But you?


Well, let's just say your lasting impression will likely involve a pair of wet pants.


Cheers to you, Alan, the man who couldn't keep his pants dry.


-John Walton

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